So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize