I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize