you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize