Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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