I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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