I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
