So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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