I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
