I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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