:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
