Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
