I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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