I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
