I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
