his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you inspire me to be a worse person
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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