She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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