Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
