Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
