Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
