You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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