Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
