Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
