the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he shaved USA in his pubs
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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