I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
