Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize