peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
