I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize