my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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