my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
