the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
