She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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