I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
