put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
