idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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