youre lurking in front of me
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
