Will you blow on my dice?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
