i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Be still, my beating vagina.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
