my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
