I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
sarcasm needs its own font
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
