I wish I could teleport
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
