3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just pee around me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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