Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I CAN MOONWALK!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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