you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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