so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
