Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
