i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
