Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
