at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
