he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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