At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
