Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
