Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
