Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
