Hey man sorry I got all grabby
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
