I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
