the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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