I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize