Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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