i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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