dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize