I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
