this beer tastes like vomit already
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize