her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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