So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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