we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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