I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
