I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
