There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
