Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
